i see you tiny little asteroid and it is awful to be pulled in by such an overwhelming gravitational force only to be flung back out into the universe a few months later

if glass is beautiful when it’s stained then so is my shirt, Susan

Don't make me say something I won't regret.

I have spent a lifetime searching for the bacteria to end all bacteria, all so that I will never have to shower again.

What the fuck is it with frogs living in trees, how am I supposed to kiss them up there?

a belated get well soon card that says “I hope you learned your lesson”

Everything feels like doom at a rave but your lo-fi beats, wow look at me subtly carry on

I'm sorry you're getting divorced I didn't know. I've had you muted since before you got engaged.

Sundays are for drinking coffee and getting drunk. At the same time.

Hope washes over my gnarled torn-up torso like spray on soul liner.