Do you find that most builds are viable enough? I’ve heard concerns that it’s hard to play as eg a conjuration mage with the default magic system, and I’ve been hoping to branch out with more esoteric builds/challenge runs (one being “never ever ever attack directly”)

I will also say that the calculus might look different if you are interested in having kids! Both in terms of wanting your kids to be treated well, and in terms of jointly-agreeable distribution of labor

This thread went in a different direction than I intended, the original point stands that tolerating dysfunction in an otherwise good relationship is super underrated and sometimes vilified in a way that’s sad

Idk I’ll have to think on this more, bc I don’t want to discount material context and esp partner/job choice as things that affect long term happiness But I do think that people deeply undervalue investing in what they have. And I think that investing clarifies desire and forces healthy action

Like your odds of having a rich life go up really, really fast when you start investing meaningfully and intensely in the people/things/moments that comprise it

The takeaway from this is not “put up with misery”, but it’s more akin to “a lot of beauty and connection and meaning and happiness comes from time and investment and always returning to the other, so make sure you add that to your calculations”

We imagine improving our lives as gradient descent through material contexts: [who] am I dating? Where do I live? Who are my friends? What’s my job? But (sometimes, not always) this is like looking at a tomato seed freshly sewn and asking “Can I eat this?” to judge its value in your life

Caveats: I heavily select for the kinds of dysfunction I can tolerate and avoid the kinds I can’t like the plague, and also I’ve been in relationships that were so dysfunctional that I was in mild danger and did leave those, but maybe that also shaped my views about this

I think this is true for all kinds of relationships btw! Romantic, platonic, familial, professional

No relationship is perfectly healthy. I think maintaining equanimity and knowing what your boundaries are, and getting constant reality checks from people you trust are all the important things