Wondering what Santa’s wedding was like

It would be funny if Bradley Cooper doesn’t get an Oscar for Maestro and just keeps wearing a bigger and bigger prosthetic nose every movie trying to get one

A demon would teleport. I ended him.

My favorite historical death is Houdini. I would’ve punched him in the stomach too. Guy going into a box and coming out somewhere else. Lights out bitch

We have an old newspaper at work from the Kennedy assassination and I’m dying at this dude whose pissy JFK editorial wasn’t pulled

Found a Taco Bell combo that’s a beefy 5-layer, crunchy taco, nachos and cheese and drink that’s $6

This nimrod just had a nightmare and freaked himself awake, now he’s staring at me all pissed because I’m laughing at him

I still remember a time pre-social media when my parents had to call breakfast food companies to ask where they stood on the OKC bombing. Thankfully those days are behind us.

Filled with a renewed sense of purpose after learning Smucker’s condemns acts of violence

My Uber Eats driver is on a damn motorcycle. Hitting the open road on his hog just to bring ME lunch. Yeah, I’d say life is good 😎