The nanny state is once again oppressing me (not letting me climb into the volcano that has sharply increased activity and dangerous levels of toxic gas)

(thankfully it was retrieved)

Managed to leave my card in the ATM before even leaving the airport, I am a very skilled traveller

Me booking ritzy holiday activities: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!! Me paying for holiday activities: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.

Highly motivated people (derogatory)

Everest scares me for a number of reasons, but especially so as a person who has never kept to a schedule. Mere minutes of delay could be fatal at any point? That is not an activity for me

Petty cash but for when work sucks and you need to buy a little treat to get through the day without murdering anyone

I think we should bring back grainy security footage; things just don't look as ominous in HD

Insta keeps advertising me dental equipment and tattoo; it knows I want to stab people with sharp objects, it's just not confident on the specifics