A couple years ago I read the memoir that Rachel E Harding wrote with her mother, Rosemarie Freeney Harding (who has since died): "Remnants: A Memoir of Spirit, Activism, and Mothering" and it was wonderful. I think about various parts from it often. Here's one of the excerpts that I think about:

There’s a section about white Southerners. Rosemarie Harding tells a story to some college students and follows up with this: “Try to place yourself in a Southern tradition where the custom is that you can be friendly to Black folk but Black folk are never to get out of their place.