For Christmas, my cat got up early to see Santa. I have not yet told him we’re Jewish.

Oooh, child, things are going to get easier. Ooooh, child, things’ll be brighter.

Done. Thanks for the tip.

29 degrees?

There are many things to like (and dislike) about being Jewish, but not having to think about Christmas shopping might be my favorite.

I love company, but I also like to fart in my living room.

In all my years, I’ve never had a cat who liked pate-style cat food.

Nothing more boring than someone telling you about their dreams, but listen! Someone in mine described a person looking like “a 60 year-old Rob Schneider “ and I don’t even know what that means. How old is he, anyway? Who cares?

This morning I woke up, and my cat bit me in the ass. It’s a tough job, but somebody has to do it.

Nothing like Giving Tuesday to make me realize I don’t have enough to give. All I can do is all I can do.