I've wanted to write a bare bones guide to life book, paperback & cheap, to centralize information I wish I knew when I was young, I wish my parents knew, I wish my bosses knew. A summary of Neurology, Psychology, Therapy, Philosophy, & Religions. Who say's "There's no guide to life?"

It definitely made me question my dreams & brain, if I knew my sister was the most likely to take her life in my eyes already, or if, I knew one day I'd not have my siblings by my side. Regardless my dreams seemed to tell me what i wanted to hear or feared. I just hope I wasn't being warned.

One gave me a death stare, then i woke up in agony & tears & confusion. after my sister passed, i sat on my couch, and looked ahead above the sink on the cabinets, a baby yoda mug, & a halo brute escharum pop figurine was there, & the brute was giving me the death stare.

I dreamed when I was young watching tv with my siblings to my left & right, then when i looked back at the tv it & the lights were out, just the dim stairwell light from the corner. to my left & right my siblings were gone, & atop the tv was two sock monkeys helping each other across.

we moved out, i at 18 years old, i hated my parents & never wanted to see that place again. well my sister had to go back to afford to live since she was a severe alcoholic & questioning living often, she took her life there, behind that backdoor. and over the years she went onto wear pink.

My sister, her favorite color was green then. I dreamed a girl in pink swinging away through the trees out the backdoor, down the hill, and behind me i heard a whisper "Don't forget me." I woke up crying, but didnt know why, & i wrote it down in my dream journal. now, she...

I dreamed when I was young, my brother running up the hill yelling, and a bear pounced & tore off his face, i closed the backdoor & locked it, i woke up & cried for an hour then went & hugged my brother.

I dreamed my whole family, dad, stepdad, mom, sister, & brother were in the back of our suburban, driving through the hills of Ireland under a white glowing sky, I don't know why I felt that's what heaven was like.

"I know why you did what you did, you didn't know any better, you were in so much pain, & just wanted it to stop" that's how i feel i rationalized to myself why he did what he did, taking his own life before i was 14 years old.

I've had, "family dreams" My dad was in hell searching through wedding rings for his, he threw away in the street, while we watched from the sidewalk. My dad was on the coastal cliffs of Ireland, the sky was white, he was a child, I was an old man crying hugging him, I said