minavegoro is taurus sun! but i like to think she also has heavy placement in fire and water signs.
i was not perfect in the situation. i shouldn't have forwarded messages that took place in dms to anyone, i admitted it. doesn't excuse the abuse. doesn't excuse the doubling down on it either.
it still hurts though. i want everyone to know exactly what was done to me and i want everyone even a little involved in that group to think about what they allow.
and it feels like i should just 'get over it' and like im weak for not putting it behind me in a month. it doesn't work like that. i know that. i know it's recovery im going to be dealing with for longer than the abuse occurred. i know only my closest friends will believe me about the abuse.
it does not matter how many times i read about narcissistic abuse and how it literally changes how your brain works and it functions like addiction, their words still get at me. i still feel like it's only me to blame sometimes. like i was the only one who was wrong.
it sucks but i have to give up 99% of the rp i do. i cannot be around anyone who is associated with that group. of roleplayers even on like a tangential level because it really messes with me.