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Mvigilsforfriends.com

#vigilsff Wingwoman

‘Ladies!’ declares Shirley. ‘To celebrate the ongoing success of this date, I shall purchase a number of muffins. My treat!’ But when she returns it turns out the muffins are five pounds each so she needs cash. Nevertheless, she happily shouts ‘DATE NIGHT!’
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Mvigilsforfriends.com

#vigilsff Romance

Kitty is speaking sincerely about the effects of Section 28 on her generation of British LGBTQ people to her date, the lady from the last few comics. Shirley is there as well with a box of cards labelled ‘Shirley Fahey’s Ice Breakers’. ‘See?!’ she says ‘I told you these are good! Isn’t this the best date ever?!’ Kitty’s date snatches the box and reads some of the cards. ‘Most memorable dump’, ‘How many kicks to take a guy’s head off’, ‘What to do when buried alive.’
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Mvigilsforfriends.com

#vigilsff turning a big dial that says ‘deranged Kitty’ on it and constantly looking back at the audience for approval

They’ve gone round to the client’s house. Kitty likes it. ‘Man, this place is so nice! No wonder your dead ghost wife won’t move on!’ She puts her hand on the client’s shoulder ‘Don’t worry, we’ll help her find peace… And then, I’m moving in! I hardly even snore since I got my chin fixed. We doing a cleaning rota or is it a freestyle sitch?’
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Mvigilsforfriends.com

#vigilsff why do i keep leaving these so late

Shirley’s potential client tells her about the noises she’s been hearing. It sounds like the soft tread of her deceased wife wearing her beloved slipper socks. Shirley has a pair of her own. Kitty pops up to say she has some too and they’re so soft and cosy oh my GOD. Shirley loves having toasty feets. Oh it’s the best. With this in mind, Kitty decides they will take the case.
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Mvigilsforfriends.com

#vigilsff freebie

A woman is talking to Shirley in the office over a cup of tea. ‘The noises only started after she died. It can’t be a coincidence. I need it not to be. Because if she’s still with me, somehow, maybe I’ll be okay.’ Shirley replies, ‘if it is a ghost, it has to move on. You can’t keep it like a pet, to make you feel better. It doesn’t work like that. Plus you get a free mouse pad with every vigil!’
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Mvigilsforfriends.com

#vigilsff “crisp”

Kitty reclines on a sofa, eating crisps. Shirley is busy on the computer. ‘I’m on email! It’s amazing’ I’m sending so many more death threats!’
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Mvigilsforfriends.com

#vigilsff more next week

The owl sanctuary guy is not happy. 'You can't indiscriminately open fire with a gun in here! We have many rare breeds of owls!' Marrak attempts to correct his grammar - she thinks he should have said 'rare breeds of owl'. Professor Lucian Maulgrave (an evil owl toy) appears with a bullet hole in him. 'Owls is right ya dumb slag! I'm a professor! Which one of you poo heads shot me?!' Marrak levels her pistol at him. 'Me. And I'll do it again.' But the gun clicks because it is out of ammo.
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Mvigilsforfriends.com

#vigilsff The gun is very heavily influenced by all the Sam & Max i was reading earlier this week

The owl sanctuary guy points to the ceiling and mentions that there have been some strange noises coming from up there. DI Marrak interrupts him and tells him to shush, as this situation will require a delicate approach. She then fires a big gun repeatedly into the air.
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Mvigilsforfriends.com

#vigilsff Hoo hoo

‘I’m sorry but I don’t believe it. A madman’s mind, trapped in a toy owl, posing as a real owl, infiltrating an owl sanctuary?!’ says the owl sanctuary guy. ‘You said owl too many times’ says DI Marrak. Clearly she’s never worked in an owl sanctuary. ‘Don’t you have real crimes to investigate? What about that string of armed burglaries?’ ‘BORING’
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Mvigilsforfriends.com

#vigilsff Owl Week

Outside the Parmouth Owl Sanctuary (‘it’s where owls are’), DI Marrak knocks on the door and demands to see the owls. A man answers the door and tells her they’re shut. Marrak tells him that one of the owls is a fraud. ‘Oh for God’s sake not this again. You’d better come in’
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