I have never had a “devilish grin” and demand my accusers issue an immediate apology

I am undefeated in the NBA Finals and should be considered for the Milwaukee Bucks head coaching vacancy.

Telling everyone my first concert was those kids screaming what the fuck is up Denny’s

Seeing a lot of concerning behavior from Mickey Mouse today…

Rubbing my temples, trying to remember “snow”

Sure.

I've never wanted anything more than to win the RFK Jr. falconry sweepstakes

It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year (Annual Layoffs Right Before Christmas Ver.)

Is there no end to the number of additional pylons I must construct

The nice thing about this is there's a world in like, 8-12 months, in which I can afford to buy Twitter