honestly really glad to have my boss to have meeting at 2pm every time because she respect my time *boundaries* is astounding, but anyway
saw an acquaintance died because of covid. not even close. his close friends were all gathered, praying etc via zoom. and then those same friends moved on with life, stopped wearing mask. i'm upset thinking about things every day.
if you've talked about the importance of healthcare, death caused by the virus, in the past 4 years, and then you somehow have stopped wearing mask, pressuring for vaccine etc. why? why are other people's deaths for us to witness, but not enough to remind us to resist the virus?
why am I so dysregulated? why do the only thing I want to feel is calm but chaos at the same time?
also, fuck people who made me feel unsafe to voice out how exhausted I feel, how compromised I was, just because you are afraid to face your own demons.
but I also think if I don't fully rest, my body will not heal as quickly as possible, but right now the healing is already slower than I could imagine. All I can do now is rant about how I don't feel 100% healthy & fit
i really think of "constantly worrying about chores" is the curse of being raised as a woman, so despite transitioning, there's conditioning in my head that's fighting the gender role + responsibilities
happy birthday!!