However, walking in the door with tongs and a hook only to have a 58 year old grandmother on facetime with her daughter look at me confused, completely oblivious to the 14" rat snake not 4 feet from her may have made up for part of that.

Okay, strike that. Now there's cops fucking everywhere. Apparently somebody they had *in custody* kicked out a plexiglass separator, choked a deputy, stole a tazer and all of this happened at the church just half a mile down the road. My life needs better screenwriters, this shit is unreal.