nobody is “coming for your children,” honestly your children are a pain in the ass

that's exactly why they want to drain them

Yeah I’m coming for Jeff’s children instead, they’re in their late 20s and give me weed

Conservative children suck, ew

i'm starting to think Michael Jordan was onto something

Word

Whenever folks contact me for a grandparent's rights case, my response is "what did you do to make someone turn down free date night babysitting?"

Somehow those children are at the same time defenseless prey for subversive indoctrinating ideas AND not defenseless prey for subversive evangelical claptrap.

Are you 1. Uber rich or 2. Raising incredibly well behaved, compliant children? Then you have nothing to worry about.

I treat my kids' friends like awkward business acquaintances. Every second is anxiety.

It'd be O. Henry's 'Ransom of Red Chief' writ large.