One of the greatest compliments I’ve ever received was when someone asked me if I was Lebanese because I was housing a Shawarma pita at a Lebanese restaurant

Call me John the way I’m Maddening

Never added masa to my chili before but I gotta do right by my people in Texas

I once ate a gourmet edible in Amsterdam and took pictures at the Van Gogh museum even though it said no photography

JD Vance is the Ted Cruz of Lindsey Grahams

Double fistin’ poppy seed hamantasch got me pissin’ dirty #accidentalbronson#accidentalactionbronson

First guy to eat raw oysters was a certified freak.

If the decisions you make in life don’t sound like an Action Bronson lyric from time to time, are you really living?

When people used to say: “What’s the big idea?!” They were onto something

You believe you can flatter the Earth? I mean, I just don’t see how, she already knows she’s beautiful and precious beyond measure. That’s what you mean, right?