A few people have interpreted me saying that "when giving advice to students, I always mention self care" as putting the blame on students, and that is super not the case! Part of what I say is that the pressures and stress are *not* their fault, and that it's not a failing to prioritize health.

Just to add to that, I think it’s important to flag it when people ask for advice as to whether they should do a PhD. Not that I tell them whether they should or not, but I include it in the list of things I suggest they consider

That sounds like a dubious interpretation. It would have been nice if more people had been giving this kind of advice, back when I was in grad school.

Compare suggesting folks training for a marathon should remember to stretch, fuel and hydrate. It's not suggesting it's a marathoner's fault if they get injured or collapse; it's paying homage to the fact IT'S A LOT OF HARD WORK ON THAT BODY SYSTEM, maybe the hardest work they'll ever do on purpose!

As someone whose job it was to help people cope, I saw you only as supportive in every way.

Anyway yeah these are big systemic problems & we should work for solutions at the institutional/sector level & I spend a lot of time thinking about that & advocating for change. I also tell students, who sometimes don't hear it otherwise, that their mental/emotional/physical health matters.