Basically my conspiracy theory is that the language and structure of sports exists as it does to keep the language and structure of colonialism alive in our culture

Yes absolutely

Yesssss... Many of them were also literally started/used by the military as nationalist training wheels for imperial army fodder.

this is a take so American it's painful to read. don't blame sport for America's problems, it's literally replaced war in Europe.

This makes a lot of sense. idk about baseball (will have to think about that) but 100% football