To. The. Death.

I know this probably goes against the spirit of the Olympics, but all events really should be to the death.

I felt the same way when I adopted that highway

If I was ever criminally charged with ‘seduction,’ I’d probably put that shit on my resume.

I’m inclined to think my guy had some priors 😂

While I don’t approve, I understand

This is remarkably accurate

Hear me out, Tinder but they match you based off your porn search history

I finally caved and signed up for MySpace. Where is everyone?

I usually put a couple normal sized carrots in the baby carrot bag so all the baby carrots don't feel like orphans.