Every time someone goes to a water park, an Iron Maiden T-shirt loses its sleeves

I'm standing in the cereal aisle of the grocery store, trying to decide which monster themed, marshmallow based cereal best fits my self image as an iconoclastic intellectual

calling all my social media breaks "cognitive incline"

If by "temple" you mean a crumbling altar to a forgotten, cyclopean cephalopod, then yes my body is one of those

going on jeopardy and answering “what is deez nuts” to every clue and then living in infamy

Goonies (1985): school children use pirate ship to game the local real estate market

I love when a news story about an animal attack leans heavily into the fact that it's been 45+ years since the last incident, as if the Treaty of Bearsailles has been breached, or something similarly innane

"They can't handle the wild guys" I announce to Mr Whiskers, as we try on our matching fedoras

Rarely documented image of the Devil stepping on a Lego

I don't want to sound spiteful here, but I'm really not sure how to stop