Guys the weather froze my balls to the fucking porch again
Little bit weird I can say "I disagree with the infant murderers" and still have to clarify which ones.
My doctors keep hiding meds in my food so I stop trying to get to the creamy nougat inside my skeleton.
Girls on these dating apps are moving too fast. Back and forth like motion blur. Your unoriginal-ass angel wings tattoo looks like baby Yoda's head.
I've just been informed that when a lot of you people mention prog you are not in fact referring to prog rock, the music. My bad.
If you've ALSO foolishly cracked the bottle your Christmas whiskey came in, I"ve discovered you can easily pour out the remainder into a tupperware container for later use.
Merry Christmas, if you're into that kinda thing 🫶🏻😘 Otherwise, happy Monday loves
people who use the bottom of soup ladles to do non-soup things: just who do you think you are
I'm out of my mind, got my frequent flayer miles built up. Sending thoughts and prayers but Jirard the completionist hasn't donated them yet.
