I’m an immigrant to the US so every time I need to impress the folks back home I just tell them that the most powerful politicians in America regularly text me long messages, begging from my help.

It took me a minute to realize

With careful cherry picking you can even quote them. "I'm sorry I haven't written, very busy with the elections here. Just yesterday one of the highest elected officials in the US emailed saying "You're the most important voice in my campaign right now", and routinely addresses me as "friend". "With careful cherry picking you can even quote them. "I'm sorry I haven't written, very busy with the elections here. Just yesterday one of the highest elected officials in the US emailed saying "You're the most important voice in my campaign right now", and routinely addresses me as "friend". "

PLEASE, friend. O god PLEASE.

What, you don't get We NEED your help Don, this is Leo Varadkar ...

At least we're not bombarded with pop-up holograms. Yet.

"Dad, the Democrats are totally FUCKED unless I take advantage of this 5x donation match that ends at MIDNIGHT"

Are you one of those Illegals Voting that I keep hearing Orange Jesus screaming about?

Several. Times. Per. Day.

They always call me “Lynn,” which must be the code name they’ve assigned me.

"Don, we're crying and screaming and throwing up... for this 8000% match going on for the next hour. Can you rush $20.24 today right now?" -Tim Walz