Mehmet the Conqueror: Knock Knock! … Mehmet the Conqueror: Knock Knock! … Mehmet the Conqueror: Knock Knock! … Mehmet the Conqueror: Knock Knock! Dying Byzantine guard: Quiet. Dont. Give him. The Satisfaction.

(Trying to write like all music press does) OLIVIA RODRIGO HAS TEASED A NEW SINGLE AND WE ARE SHITTING BLOOD!

Common misconception here: my buddy john just fell asleep with his elbow on his “Hitlerwasright” phone shortcut

I will be settling the Israel/Palestine debate in the stream chat of crackstreams broadcast of tomorrows football game

Completely forgot I had this. Is this place actually useable now? I was mostly still using twitter so I haven’t opened it in like a month. The man Im keeping locked up in my viking dungeon: PLEASE. I NEED TO SEE THE SUN. I NEED TO BELIEVE THE THE SUN STILL SHINES.

Doing the Ike up-special move to a baby when it doesnt smile back at me on the train

I dont believe in abortion. Not morally, I just think they secretly put the baby somewhere else

Loading a pelican into a gigantic poison dart gun and blowing it directly into the engine of a speeding jet so that I can make enough of a distraction to sneak mdma through TSA

No fucking way people were talking about a “posting strike” jesus christ you fucking ineffectual dorks

BREAKING: Hollywood Reporter sources claim the Stranger Things kids have all killed and eaten each other “because there was nothing else to do that day.”