My husband's always irritated that the things I let the kids play with make a mess. Sweetheart, all respect but I'd let them play with a dead squirrel if it kept em out of my hair while I'm trying to make dinner.

A fun thing about the light switch for the bathroom being in the hall is the toddler coming along and turning it off while you're having a wee

When I think about gender inclusivity I think about all the make believe games I played as a kid where all the girls wanted to be the same character because it was "the girl". Power Rangers was a treat because there were *two* girls.

I'm beyond tickled by my new gothy silverware

Today the 2 year old pronounced her avocado "too avocado-y" and her stuffed wyvern "not scary enough". We got opinions.

FUCK nintendo. Mar 10 is now marten day. Happy marten day

After an incredibly chaotic morning of screaming and crying both kids are in daycare for the first time. I AM FREE. 🥂

Can you imagine being a person who is not hella anxious when someone's waiting for your parking spot? because I really can't

I'm watching Ridley Scott's Napoleon on Apple+, best line in the whole movie, Joaquin Phoenix's Napoleon to the English ambassador, "YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT BECAUSE YOU HAVE BOATS!"

Having kids means you never have to pee alone