Instead of calling it a "to do" list I've started writing "side quests" at the top to make it seem more fun and interesting and boy has that not worked at all.

And there I was, at 21, broken that I'd never hear my sister laugh again. I held her limp hand, my eyes playing cruel tricks as I swore I saw her breathe. In that moment, all I could think about was the lava cake we'd bake together. For this recipe, you'll need a double boiler.

cop: is this your chocolate factory? willy wonka: why do you ask cop: we've gotten reports of maimed children and slave labor wonka: oh that 8 year old owns it now

Busted

After years of work, I can now finally reveal my thesis

Not to get too political but it would be nice if things would stop getting more terrible and, if possible, start getting less terrible.

Cop: Can you describe the man who stabbed you? Me: He kept going like this [stabbing motion]

I hate meeting people who immediately start throwing riddles at me like "what do you do for fun" and "how are you"

an octopus and squid are similar but very different, for example one is a little bitch

be kind, for everyone is kung fu fighting a battle you know nothing about