Also, on the back of my head, I've been thinking about continuing with the intro to web dev program i was selected do, onky on Fridays, bc i haven6had the chance to follow thru everyday 1h each, unsustainable for me 😭 but we'll see

Anxious. I'm trying to take my time, ve patient6and hope for the best. I've been feeling pressure to get a job ASAP but I don't feel skilled enough, and I don't wanna do Customer service again for a while at least

As a rehearsal or something hehe I should complete that between Friday and the 16th 😅 Also, I decided to study the Junior Cybersecurity analyst path by Cisco. I can't pay the certification exam atm, but i surely can take the course. It's set to be 120h long 😭 but I'm also trying not to rush and get

And I was able to complete thr 1st Design Thinking course from IBM with the practitioner badge 🎉 yay me i guess! What's next: on the 16th I start a Scrum Master course, that takes 6 weeks and I'm nervous about it... But I decided to take the free certiprof certification of Scrum foundations...

Back to my #selflearning diaries, here's what I've been doing Yesterday: I've updated my LinkedIn profile, completed a Principles of design courses with a badge. And I continued on the introductory program to tech careers by IBM Skillsbuild Today (09/05): i finished the first stage of said program

I'm jealous my partner has various groups of friends they can turn to anytime, they can hang out any time, they can call any time, while I'm just lonely. Lonely. Lonely. Lonely.

Like, more often than not i feel i have literally nothing to tell them, nothing new to say in out interactions... And I crave a conversation, a lot, but as soon as i open my mouth nothing comes out. And I am longing for having somebody around, like a "best friend"

Still I feel irremediable lonely. I have no friends. The ones that I have and I talk to a but often ate my ex roommates, but I feel they're so disconnected from them and the other way around. I have nobody else and I feel unable to connect with my partner as well. Idk idk

And it's weird bc I'm the best I've ever been: me and my partner been together for 3 years now, we have 4 dogs, we rent a nice place, i have my plants, I'm doing nice things for my self and professional development, some of my family relationships have improved... Yk stuff like that...

2 years ago (and almost every year) it felt like this dragging unbearable reminder that I shouldn't be born, that I'm not supposed to be here. This year it feels like... A reminder that I'm all alone, a reminder of an endless, painful, inhabilitating solitude...