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Faine Greenwood
@faineg.bsky.social
civilian drone mapping technology and GIS/spatial data consultant, sometimes journalist and writer, monitors small drones in the Ukraine war, humanitarian-aid adjacent, always annoying online. they/them
30.3k followers16.3k following74.5k posts
FGfaineg.bsky.social

remember the lady from New York who was cursed forever by ass-biting cockatoo ownership

Humans of New York ©
•. •
X
3h. ©
"He doesn't love me, that's for sure. You can project human qualities onto these things until they bite your ass cheek. He bit my ass cheek. Middle of the night, wife asleep in the bed, I bend over to pick something up, and he bites me right on the ass. He's very dangerous if he doesn't get his way. If you aren't accommodating his wishes, he can screech you right into the ground. He won't go in his cage. Our entire apartment is filled with driftwood from the Hudson. He likes to sit on the driftwood when he watches TV. He'll take food off our plates. If anyone is talking, he has to be there. He wants to be part of everything. And the worst part is they won't die. They live to be 80 or 100. You know the saying: 'This too shall pass'? Not the umbrella cockatoo. This too, shall not pass. There's no hope. That's the horror of it. I told this to a nine-year old girl in the park. This girl was a genius. She says: 'You'll never have to say goodbye. You have an infinite pet.' It was the darkest thing l've ever heard."
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Mmeson.ninja

I had temporary shepherdship of a green cheeked conure for a while and taught it how to talk he had a real mean streak once he hit maturity and would chomp you out of the blue without any good reason I miss my little buddy so much :(

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My kid wants a pigeon, after I told her we’ll never ever get a long-lived bird. She does the research and apparently pigeons and doves make good pets. She’s trying to wear us down on this. It did give me the opportunity to discover that people make dove diapers, which never fails to make me laugh.

Farmer dove, chilling in his overalls diaper.
Dashing gentleman dove in a tuxedo diaper.
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CBnoncompliant.bsky.social

I’d sort of hoped this was going to turn into the story about how the poor woman had finally been released from her living hell one, one way or the other..

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Can confirm Those birds are smart and emotional and if you don't nurture that.... You get an ass biting grumpy bird who demands everything Had a neighbor with one He was a grumpy old man who liked to yell at kids. The bird only liked him and would go after everyone else. It was his attack bird...

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DHskoryy.bsky.social

Now I empathize more with the family the next house over with the loud-as-fuck cockatiel.

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ASasveenstra.bsky.social

Why I've never had a bird bigger or longer-lived than a green-cheeked conure.

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TFsifu.tweety.fish

my favorite stories are the ones where a bird owner dies and is outlived by the bird and the bird just absolutely and irretrievably hates the shit out of its new owners, who it also outlives

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Rrendire.bsky.social

My daughter had one. When he died in an accident, I was secretly relieved. Even better, it happened when I was out of town so I had a solid alibi. I have PTSD from that bird.

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Wwhaler.bsky.social

I'd find a poduck zoo to take his ass so fast.

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Tturtlebee.bsky.social

I think of her regularly and fondly

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FG
Faine Greenwood
@faineg.bsky.social
civilian drone mapping technology and GIS/spatial data consultant, sometimes journalist and writer, monitors small drones in the Ukraine war, humanitarian-aid adjacent, always annoying online. they/them
30.3k followers16.3k following74.5k posts