what game do I play? Oh you know, good old-

Buntober Day 1 • Miku Buntober month starts! Wish me luck ;0;

Just blowing off some steam.

I often ask myself if I even really like tabletop gaming. I'm currently running a Star Wars campaign in Fantasy Flight's system and I've been having a blast because I haven't had to do very much math and it seems like most people into TTRPGs are very into number-crunching.

Feeling a bit better today. I’m almost through my current play through of Chrono Trigger and enjoying it a lot. Can’t believe my dumb ass didn’t use Ayla very much before.

I keep that thing (a loaded recoilless rifle) on me.

I have a lot of unorganized thoughts right now about the reasons I struggle with such low self-esteem. How praise always feels uncomfortable and unwarranted. How criticism always cuts me straight to my core. How thin-skinned I am and how fragile my ego is. I have a lot of problems to sort out.

There's also the feeling that I'm always about to be abandoned or rejected. I rarely directly bullied, but often ostracized and usually picked last. I was "weird" and even my friends picked other people over me all the time. That left scars I didn't even know were there until recently.