If there was no book of revelations, no promise of people gaining their rapturous place in heaven AT THE EXPENSE of others left to suffer, there would be no MAGA christians, because they have no want for a zero sum game, & take no joy in reward, only in withholding it from others
BREAKING: Mike Pence announces he had been running for President
If I'd been in charge of scrapping the Robert E Lee statue, I would have reduced it to a pair of standing legs cut off at the calf, mounted on a plinth overlooking the detritus of an abandoned Trump rally merch market, and affixed a bronze plaque naming it "Both Sides Ozymandius"
Me: "The burger I ate in Austin has been digested, transported across the continent, and deposited in a bathroom at the Denver airport. My body is a spaceship for microbial astronauts." Police: "Sir, I asked if these were your edibles."
Always feels like you're on a horizontal Logan's Run Carrousel
Me sitting in a nursing home, surrounded by grandkids: "We used to shuffle though airports in our goddamn socks"
Guys walking around just applying chapstick in public because their lips are dry, like it's a perfectly normal thing to do: hat's off to you, man
One day, a few decades from now, there will be a TV sitcom set in the 2020s that features a blowhard conspiracy shouting neighbor who's schtick is that he always wears a red hat and carries a pillow, and kids will wonder what the hell that's all about
While the world burns, cruelty runs unchecked and millions live in fear and despair, the party with the authority to govern Congress is passing mean girl notes behind closed doors and having clique slap fights to elect a prom king.