For me I realized I wanted it when I felt jealous of other people getting it. A bit of dealing with those feelings and I realized I'd been experiencing bottom dysphoria for most of my life. When you've got something the whole time, it can seem like background noise

yeah, there was some conversation on here the night before that left me thinking "hmm OK if I'm honest with myself maybe this IS something I've experienced" but then it really slammed me yesterday in a much more intense way than I'd ever felt