i still fear the pain of my body giving out, to be sure. but at the same time i feel like once i go, I'll be returning to my *actual* self and the things i left behind. not in a rush to get there or anything, but i just think stuff is waiting for me. and the feeling gets stronger the older i get.

anyway sorry to write an entire livejournal entry at you. like i said, meds. overshare-y. and i know you're going through a lot, so i;m sorry to wax poetic at you.