Who can blame you? 💁🏻‍♀️

Could single handedly keep toothpaste companies afloat with my love of garlic

☺️

Me (making one decent move in a card game I’ve been violently losing for the past hour): I am the moment

There’s nothing that makes me feel hotter than pocketing a ball in a game of pool. Two in a row? You’re gonna have to roll my giant head out of the bar

Lmao noooo! This hippo can stay!

Life is not measured by time, it's measured by moments when someone is staring, waiting for you to answer a question that you didn't hear because your mind was making a sort of buzzing sound

It’s not always clear cut guys

respectfully, how do I block this fucking hippo from my timeline

“Sad today,” she expressed in her best Kermit the Frog voice