I wonder, is it that you don't understand the need to be masculine, because to learn to be masculine is to learn to be masculine ENOUGH FOR SOMEONE ELSE? (caps for emphasis, not yelling)

That makes sense

I used to follow someone on twitter who mused / whined about how they grew up with 'toxic masculinity' from their father and were now a Gaaaay~ bear adult who didn't want to be macho/masculine. 'learning to be masculine' for them was 'learning to be what their father told them they weren't'.