Pretty sure you shouldn’t trust a person whose favorite food is salad

I bought the share-size m&m’s and I didn’t share with anyone!

I don’t need an energy drink. I just need a medical professional to tell me to relax.

Starting an NSFW alt that's just pictures of me violating OSHA standards

Everyone’s a poet until they get laid.

Telling everyone I’m in finance because I rolled nickels for my grandma that one time

Im 70% water and 30% chaos

Sorry I used the wrong emoji. In my defense, I am old.

Math checks out

How much yo would a ho hoe if a ho were inclined to hoe yos?