Analysis of your team shows that they perform their best within 2 seconds of taking possession, so your idiot coach implements a strategy to give the ball to the opposing team anytime you're in possession for more than 2 seconds.

It's not shitposting if it isn't about literal shit. #shitjustgotreal #bywhichImeanshitreferstoactualshit #arehashtagsevenathinghere?

This is just perpetuating a false and demeaning stereotype that low-heat turd outperforms high-heat turd on IQ tests. The truth is that the socioeconomic conditions of turds at various temperatures are better predictors of poop performance on such tests.

Kinda rude to speak that way of the recently deceased.

I like the way you abbreviate pot roast.

A service that serves up just this image is worth $44 billion, but I'm prepared to build you one for, say, $43.5 billion.

I'm also thankful for the invention of "worried about" standing. I'm worried that time traveling cyborgs will infringe on my rights against quartering troops and can finally bring suit.

"What? Did you say you want a drink?" "Anything is better than this agony of mind."

No, that's the Hoover Dam, it was built by vacuum cleaners.

Facebook was MySpace with fewer features. "Don't you hate customized pages? We don't have that!" Instagram's pitch was restricting the images to "square only"