Update: I just finally, jubilantly, canceled my cable. Unexpectedly, I ended up having a truly delightful 44-minute (!) chat with the customer service rep. None of it was about cable. It was all about movies and celebs we'd met and Schwarzenegger's love child. Almost made me sad to cancel.

Is your FIOS plan via Verizon? I’ve tried looking up FIOS & the Verizon FIOS isn’t available to us West Coasters (it appeared).

That's an amazing customer service rep

This is so funny. Yucking it up with a rep helped me get a price reduction. (See above or below here.)

Damn, they're good!

I had to move house to cancel my Sky (satellite cable equiv) subscription