Sexy woman: I don’t have any money… Is there another way I can pay you? Pizza delivery guy: you actually already paid on the app Porn director (pinching bridge of nose): cut

[gas station attendant pulls the premium pump out and lets me sniff the nozzle] *I nod*

May 28, 20203: a random guy buy me

I would’ve moved if they asked nicely

your dad walked out on you and your mom? well boohoo. my dad walked IN on me and my mom and you don’t hear me crying about it

There’s over 2000 people on the london bridge at any given moment, but sure go ahead and sing your little song

$7. This idiot has no idea what he has.

dreaming of forklift certification

(making the first gang) and we all have to wear the same color. it’ll be cute.

(training the new oompa loompa) have you ever seen a dead body?