i know it was probably something stupidly mundane. i can't stop thinking about what if- that maybe there actually was something fae about the whole thing. i couldn't make myself open the door, or even knock- im still kicking myself for not indulging that curiosity

im full aware of what doing so would've entailed- full aware of protocol and expectations in that shit. i still should've done it. maybe i would've gotten answers, or something akin to understanding/clarity for why i'm like this, or how to better cope with disregard and casually inflicted pain