Done crying about it. Going to try to get some sleep because I’m averaging 3 hours a night and I’m sure that’s adding onto my feelings of hopelessness, too.

Nobody can do shit to help me and I know that. I reserve the right to cry about it a little bit. I’ve had this infection for months. I need surgery to clear it. I feel like a dead man walking right now.

I don’t have time for this! I have ✨no safety net✨, I can’t afford to be incapable of making money. Period.

Literally feeling absolutely hopeless right now. I try to work and my pain levels are so bad it’s making me dizzy and nauseous and incapable of doing anything. I have a fever pretty much every day. I need this surgery over with. But then I’ll have to recover.

I love being in such excruciating pain that I can’t work for more than an hour at a time 😊✌️ Lovely. It’s not like my health issues are already making me burn through my savings or anything!!! (Being VERY SARCASTIC RN!!!) Surgery in 12 days. It can’t come fast enough.

I don’t know why some ableds are determined to believe that as disabled and/or chronically ill people we just woke up one day and decided to make our own lives monumentally harder for funsies. 🥴

I’m sad about this tonight and I’m allowed to be.💖🔮

Something I hate about the disabled experience is when people think they don’t matter to me bc my health is unreliable. I don’t cancel plans or reply late bc I’m not thinking of you. It is literally a struggle just to wake up + perform my basic bodily functions. Like BEING ALIVE!

Had a procedure yesterday and didn’t feel awful afterwards but now that the anesthesia has completely worn off, ya boy ✨does not feel good!✨ And I have another surgery next month. 😖✌️ Anyway, now I just need to wait for the biopsy to come back. I know in my soul it’s going to be good news. 🔮💖

Any advice appreciated!!