Went to visit my aunt in the hospital this weekend and she’s sedated so going in and out a lot, but one of the first things she said to me when I got there was “how are the Yankees?” Love a woman with priorities

They’re gonna let me live

When a coworker messages “Hi” and nothing else you should be allowed to fight them

Jennifer Coolidge voice hi gorcheous

Drs are saying if I don’t get a pizza from L&B within the next week they’ll have to euthanize me :/

Hell I might even encourage it

Gorcheous

Do you like eating out of the trash? If so send your address and SSN

Having a horrible week and I just dropped the last muffin on the rug so it’s covered it cat hair now. How much can one person take….

I could’ve gotten the bomb out of that guys chest