I hope next time I become psychotic (lets not hope for it, but lets also be realistic) ... I find the mental stamina to just sit and be quiet. Meditate, perhaps. But that's not usually how it goes, unfortunately. It's very sneaky ... my mind plays tricks on me. And I can't see what's real anymore.

And it damages my brain, I can feel that. I'm becoming progressively dumber, less stress resistant, more unhinged, easily triggered... my mind running in circles over mundane things. And yeah, that's how it is. 2,5 years of mental health catastrophes now.