Werewolves aren’t some sort of Halloween joke, lycanthropy is actually a severe histamine response to the full moon. That’s why you can’t bring the moon to preschool anymore

Today is the one year anniversary of moving out of my ex’s house so I am celebrating with this beautiful lemon raspberry tart. Divorce fucking rocks (sincere)

A fun idea for sexting/dirty talk is to use novel euphemisms. For example, instead of the generic “I’m so wet”, why not try out something intriguing yet tasteful, like “my downstairs neighbor is a total slimelord”

Since it’s cooled down enough to drink tea my mug use is off the charts

Werewolves aren’t some sort of Halloween joke, lycanthropy is actually a severe histamine response to the full moon. That’s why you can’t bring the moon to preschool anymore

(Sees a bad color) “I’m gonna puce”

If it makes you uncomfortable then it’s puce

I can’t believe this

Dr. Franklinstein

You’d hope Paul Simon does