This is a thread. I will be telling you the story of the perfect crime, which I witnessed today at church. I will not be identifying the perpetrator. I am many things (containing, as they say, multitudes) but I am not a snitch. Their secret is safe with me.

This kid is going to go far in life.

Small human connections, intimate stories, they contain the universe.

Unless the perp’s parents follow you here!

(Immediately starts hitting refresh)

I always thought that the perfect crime would be one with no witnesses. I have, however, been wrong before.🤔

Desperately in need of the denouement!

Someone do the graphic comic of this story, please!

this thread is amazing and was also so shockingly similar to my church that for several minutes I was trying to figure out if you were sitting behind me at Mass this morning and I somehow missed not just the paper airplane but also our liturgical dancers

First to set the scene, my church has a bit of a funny layout. It was remodeled once upon a time, moving the altar to the center and the pews curling around. So I was sitting in the back row of what used to be the from of the church but was now the side, opposite the balcony. This is important.