people who say “[pet] doesn’t love you, it just wants food.” are a major red flag to me

My dog, who had never lived with a family before she came to us (four years locked in a kitchen, four years in kennels waiting to be adopted) might not be able to say she loves me, but she goes to sleep curled up next to me every night, and I'm honoured that she trusts me that much.

I have at least one cat 'forcing' me to hold or cuddle them roughly 10-12 hours a day, ha. People who don't treat their pets as family are alien to me.

My cat loves me in the way she would love a disabled, dysmorhic, and incompetent kitten who occasionally makes bad noises (singing). Sometimes I need love or care, sometimes a bit of discipline.

huge huge huge red flag

I don't care if my boy loves me, I love him. I see the difference that makes in another, I see the twinkle in his eye when I tell him he's the goodest boy ever and how clever he is. I'm certain he loves me, he relies on me, I'm responsible for him, I love him

It’s a symbiotic relationship. Some animal behaviourists believe wolves and humans began interacting over food-wolves guarding the perimeter in exchange for scraps and bones from hunts. For some dogs their “work” is just being there with us, and they know it.

Freja usually doesn't want the food, just snuggles. Two prev borders also routinely turned down food but wanted nearness or to work.

100%, Major projection going on.

'They'd stop loving you if you didn't feed them' well, if my spouse or family starved me I'd stop loving them too

Yes absolutely. Like having needs in a relationship somehow invalidates love.