So, so close to retirement; so, so happy about it.

My night? Just before going to pick my son and a friend up from basketball practice, my dog prances in from the back yard …. proudly carrying in her mouth the rabbit she just killed. Ah.

At this point, Donald Trump is basically an aging rock star booking smaller venues and playing his former hits over and over again for avid fans who hope beyond hope that they never hear the fateful words, “here’s a song from my new album” …

American politics today: Donald Trump: I will be a dictator for a day! We’ll set up deportation camps staffed by 2 million National Guard troops! We’ll use the power of the state to punish our domestic enemies! Media: did you know Joe Biden is four years older than Trump? It’s *crazy *!

Dear media people: Chris Christie dropping out does *not* change the dynamics of the Republican primary. It should. But it doesn’t.

Free advice for any frustrated Republican voters in Iowa or New Hampshire who are unhappy with the array of neo-fascists they have to choose from in the forthcoming caucus and primary: Vote for Pedro.

No, airport people: I will not tip for my wildly over-priced bottle of soda I had to get myself. Just fyi.

Happy New Year! It’s 309 days until the presidential election. Buckle up!

How exciting is this college bowl season? The most iconic moment so far came when a live action Pop-Tart descended into a giant “toaster” and emerged ready to be eaten by the winning team. So, not very. More product of lower quality amidst very low stakes does not make for compelling experience.

Aren’t you from Charlotte? Me too. Tomatoes go with everything.