Against better judgement I've logged on for a moment, but I'm off again after this. Updates: I've been studying for my goals with a bit of success, personal therapy has been ok but not sure what it'll lead to for me yet, stuff with family was really bad Friday. Rate it a 5/10 week, Friday 0/10

I’m logging off for a while. A long while. I don’t even use this app for anything worthwhile lately anyways. I’m a lurker and don’t reach out to anyone and don’t do anything to express who I am as a person except anxiety dump about the stuff that has me feeling down. Nobody wants that. So, off I go.

My struggle is that I tried to escape it last night but reposts and quote posts referring to the stuff keeps popping up and I can’t mute everyone before it appears and I don’t wanna mute the people reposting it because they’re probably incensed for personal reasons

The thing that sucks is that by posting this stuff I’m posting, there will be people (autistic people too!!) who might see what I write and say “gee, you seem to care a lot about what people think about you, sounds like how narcissists act” and then I’m fucked either way

I have a big anxiety that if someone made it their goal to destroy my life for whatever reason, all they’d have to do is post one rage bait about something I did autistically, frame it as how a narcissist or abuser talks/acts, and then I get shut out from everywhere I go because of misunderstanding.

I’m so scared that one day I’ll end up saying something that gets misunderstood by someone, and my attempts to clarify and explain that they read me wrong, will end up leading to me being further ridiculed and then ostracized by a huge amount of people who I thought I was part of a community with

I am legitimately triggered being on this website the past 24 hours because we have people all over jumping to conclusions and declaring morality about the actions of two autistic folk who ended up at the center of separate controversies and nobody seems willing to understand either person or listen

More reasons to want a laptop, I want to begin visiting local Chicago game development groups and I can’t really bring what I’m working on without having a laptop. My iPad with its keyboard is not even close to acting as a replacement in gamedev.

I’ve been thinking I could really use a laptop, for a lot of reasons. Mostly just being able to have a portable digital workspace would really help, I hate being trapped in my room at my desk trying to hammer something out and needing a change of scenery, but when I move I can’t bring my work with 😑

Hope you have 176gb free on an SSD 👀