me, on the ouija board: Is anyone here with me now? How did you die? *indicator starts moving*: A-R-E-Y-O-U-H-U-N-G-R-Y me: Not now, grandma!!

AMENDED DELIVERY DATE I AM GETTING MY WASHER AND DRYER TOMORROW OMG OMG OMG

My new toys are being delivered on Monday 🥰

me to sam across the house: HONEY sam: what? me: I BOUGHT A WASHER AND DRYER sam: Oh, good possum. You said you were going to. How much was it? me: here. have a glass of scotch.

I went to a food and wine festival yesterday with Sam and some friends. It was super fun 🥂🍾

Watch as the crab Rangoon gather at the watering hole. One tests the sweet and sour sauce before allowing the others to drink

When everyone takes the thing real serious except that ONE friend

We are trying out the new barbecue for the first time tonight, so I thought we should celebrate in style 🥃🍹🥂 Happy Friday, guys!!

Him: Talk dirty to me Me: I'm not very good at it Him: Just try Me: Ummmm I've been a bad girl Him: Oh yeah?? How bad? Me: I kicked a goose

Snuggle butt.