Gone are the days of a cannibal witch owning her own spacious gingerbread house. Today's child-eating witch can barely afford to rent a one-bedroom gingerbread condo.

May we interest you in a timeshare arrangement. For a low introductory price you can select your two week stay time in the Candy Cabin in the Woods and rest assured that we have a steady supply of woodcutter children.

I follow one on Tiktok who's had to move into her Subaru. VERY hard to lure children to a 2011 Forester. She's crowdfunding for an ice cream truck.

Baba Yaga was forced to reclassify her bird legged cabin as a "Mobile Home". The license fee was nearly $200.00.

It’s the sugar taxes

doesn't help that the children are getting more expensive too. i mean, 7$ for a kids' meal? are you fucking kidding me???

Ahh, but homebaking is always cheaper. The thrifty and creative witch can be almost to the square footage of a woodsy cottage with the smallest flick of her rolling-pin, with plenty of pantry-space for putting up canned Hansel. And the spicing's a show-stopper. #GreatWitchesBakeOff

Seriously, which is really awkward, because the damn neighbors are always warning the kids off. As if, letting your daughter's boyfriend climb up her hair, instead of the fire escape, isn't a violation of code. Don't even get me started on the dwarves, it's a two bed one bath, not a hostel.

And the kid choices now are crazy. Gluten free kids, low fat kids, sugar free kids, Impossible Kids...

😞