my dad would hate me

the only thing keeping me breathing is that I’m not going down alone

interesting development: i think I’m so mentally fucked up im slightly starting to hallucinate a bit

my s/o just asked me to book a hotel for the night for them and their partner. looking forward to spending the evening on some sort of su!c!de hotline

i got caught last week for burning cigarettes in my knees, front and back, by my s/o. told my therapist and psychiatrist. i don’t even feel like doing that. and probably won’t again. maybe because a few got infected.

my dad would be so incredibly ashamed of me

I hate, loathe, detest, and abhor myself. I am consumed with guilt, shame, rage, sadness, despair, hopelessness. all of this is reasonable and to be expected, considering my life. my actions. what I do to people. crazy part is the worst is to come. the darkness will be bad. truly alone

a lot more of the same, and a lot more. hopeless. pointless.

no good ending

no reprieve from hating my self, my life, the fact i have hurt and still hurt people, that my past is a sham, i have no idea who i am, and my future short and long term is fucked