Does one suffer the bends after sinking this low into an ocean of stupidity?

I big boy! I help! Anyone need the paper towels?!

Knew so many women friends in ballet who starved themselves for that "in" look

This could be one of the grossest headlines in recent memory. Whenever a plastic surgeon tells anyone what type of body (or body part) is "in," one should just tell them to fuck the hell off.

Here’s my Diddy story: we never met

Remember that Yeti I found living in Central Park? The one I'd feed nuts and berries? Lived in the trees? I named him Sunshine? He just died.

Not a Mets fan particularly but, wow, what a game. Glad they won.

Send Trump. Half-heartedly lob some paper towel rolls.

I’m in

What’s Mandarin for “I am already married”? I’m trying to communicate with my wife. Thanks!