I told my coworker today that he strikes me as someone that watched Glee and he understood my tone in a way that made us good friends

Every Trixie quote could also be a housewives tagline but the best one might be “god doesn’t give with both hands and I’ve got this tight cunt.”

Thinking about putting an event in my calendar for every day from 6-10pm called ‘hot girl shit’

Remember when you’d buy pens at the beginning of a school year and you’d start with 4-5 but you’d only have 1 surviving in the trenches with you until May

The strangest choice they’ve ever made

I want to be buried in a container store

Aidan’s going to have a heart attack and die in the shower in the new apartment. “And just like that….I realized I’m a black widow.” Credits roll.

I hope there’s a group chat where Kim Cattrall and Pat Field are sending each other the best memes about Aidan’s jacket

Every audience at the Kylie Vegas residency is going to be filled with affluent Gays thinking they’re the black girls from Bring It On when they’re actually all Big Red. Can’t wait.

The country Fast Car cover makes me irrationally angry. That check better buy Tracy an island.