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If Harris gave away ten bucks, FOX would run with 24-hour Constitutional Crisis coverage.

I have an easier time convincing my kids that cars used to all come with cigarette lighters than that a Presidential candidate, during their lifetime, took heat for calling his opponent “that one.”

My superhero weakness would be having to do the robot every time I hear "Erotic City"

*my wife wakes me in the middle of the night* Me (groggily): Did something happen to a member of the original Broadway cast of Hamilton?

Let’s see him clean the fryolator.

FYI, I checked Musk’s bullshit “petition” site. It’s a data mining operation. You can just put anything in the fields, there is no check. We can poison the entire data set SUPER EASILY. Just pick a zip code in the suburb of Philadelphia or Pittsburgh and write bullshit:

“A billion dollars, stolen from FEMA, so Sleepy Joe can woo your mom. He’s wooing your mom. He’s wooing…taking her out for a nice meal, the music, the romantic music. He’s wooing. A billion dollars to woo…to woo your mom. And then never call her back. Not Sleepy Joe, no.”

Shopping Mall Santa: Hello, little boy, what do you want for Christmas? Little boy: I want a Spiderman Super Web-Slinger! Bob Costas (removing Santa beard): In 178 postseason plate appearances, Aaron Judge has only 37 hits and has struck out 70 times.